Bleh

Yes, here it is, the post-holiday slump. After all the frenzied cooking, wrapping, calling, visiting, and the extreme excitement of gifts and cookies, suddenly its over and we have presents that aren't quite brand new, crumpled paper that we so carefully affixed to special items, plates of crumbs, and no desire to move, eat, or shop ever again. We already called all the relatives, the Christmas shows have abruptly stopped running on the television, so now what?

Once again we have here a little lull when nobody expects us to do anything (except the Widge, who does rightfully expect meals, diaper changes, books read, and general parental activities). Don't bother getting out of those jammies, just lay around snacking. Unless, of course, you live at the North Pole, because you guys owe me money. I bought all the gifts, wrapped them, and even labeled about half as being from Santa. I don't mind much, I like you jolly elves as much as the next parent, but if you're going to get half the credit (plus all the cool holiday specials, parades, and celebrity appearances) you could chip in a bit. Either that or give us parents a slice of the fame. I'd like to be beloved by children everywhere, especially if, as it seems, there isn't much actual work involved. I'd love to be greeted by applause when I show up at IHOP.

Folks, when your parents told you that Santa doesn't exist, they were just cranky because the fat man isn't really much help in the gift process. I'm pretty sure he is real, and hanging out in his fancy castle at the top of the world, laughing at us all, with out puny bank accounts, and our gifts, with his picture on the wrapping paper and his name under "from", hidden in our tiny closets for weeks. I don't think he's a bad guy, but I do think that he, like God, has the sort of humor that we don't usually appreciate, because it tends to be at our expense.

So crack open an ice cold Bud light, oh jelly-bellied icon of holiday cheer, because you not only make the gift process look easy, you manage to give presents all over the world without budging from your comfy fireside chair.