All My Reindeer

So I watched that heartwarming holiday classic about Rudolph the other day. I'm struck by how darned judgmental everyone at the North Pole is. I guess living there, isolated from the world, and only allowing Santa and eight carefully chosen reindeer leave, and only for one night a year, you have to find something to do with your time. Creating elaborate social structures and minute rules of appearance and behavior is certainly a time-filler. But I think they were all fairly harsh on poor Rudy. Even the adults, even Comet and Santa himself, the so-called Jolly Old Elf, made it pretty clear that Rudolph's best option was probably some form of poison, or at least a lifetime of exile from the "normal" deer. They're all lucky the Rudolph didn't snap and go down a dark path. That certainly would have made for a vastly different Christmas show:

A dark room, in which an aging reindeer is seen, tied and struggling to escape. Suddenly a match is lit, it illuminates a red nose.

Rudolph: So, Comet, ten years ago you wouldn't let me join in any reindeer games. Well, I've learned a few games of my own [evil grin]...would you like to play?

Anyway, Rudolph was far more well-adjusted than that, nut still, he meets up with some random elf, and within three minutes they've planned to run off together. Pay attention, kids: running away with strangers is just plain a bad idea, even if they have spiffy heavily-gelled hair. Or maybe especially if they have spiffy, heavily-gelled hair. Anyway these two apparently walk to Canada, or at least close enough to run into a crazed Yukon prospector, who proceeds to kidnap them. This about the point where I stop paying attention, because I cannot understand how the name on the Jack-in-the-box's birth certificate prevents him from being enjoyed as a toy. Why not just let kids think your name is actually Jack? And the cowboy on an ostrich: just get a horse. Anyway, the end result, after a bit of monster torture that certainly doesn't inspire joy at the thought of dental visits, is that Rudolph saves the day. But can we really believe that he was beloved, his nose overlooked, forever after? That seems contrary to human nature, and certainly contrary to what we know about the twisted social behavior at the North Pole. I'm thinking after a few weeks the taunting returned, Rudy and his sweetheart Clarice are forced to live in the remote cave with the leaks, and younger reindeer throw eggs at their cave while shouting: "shine-snout!"

I haven't seen Frosty yet this year, but I certainly hope it has fewer undercurrents of emotional cruelty. Also, I'm starting to wonder if Santa may be running a cult up there. If so, he certainly manages to cover it with some great P.R. I'm hoping he has a good enough sense of humor to keep me on the "nice" list.