How to Make Your Voice Heard in Politics

(revised and updated)

We tend to think of Washington D.C. primarily as a large museum, full of interesting sculpture, classic architecture, and various antiquities like biplanes and senators. Occasionally it hosts that quaint three-ring circus we fondly refer to as the government. In general, it seems like a benign place, the sort of place you'd visit on a boring school field trip, a place that gets locked neatly every night and swept in the morning before the tourists arrive. But like any truly interesting city, D.C. harbors a dark, seamy underbelly. (Like almost any truly interesting city. Las Vegas, for example, manages to be interesting by being a dark, seamy underbelly, but thats a different essay.) The District is, in and around those gleaming monuments, one elaborate shooting gallery--one great big O.K. Corral, and has even occasionally carried the distinct honor of being murder capitol of the United States. This honor places it in the company of such other favorite tourist spots as Detroit and Newark.

The creative residents of D.C., ever eager to enhance the reputation of their fair city, have developed a staggering array of variations on the theme. There are drive-bys and gangland shootouts, of course, but District shooters really excel at the mystery murder. Take, for example, the case in which a police officer, dispatched to a minor domestic dispute (minor in the fact that it was not terminal for either party) noticed an odd oder nearby, and found, in a garbage bag on a neighboring lot, an unidentified body. Or the time a woman went missing, and the police dragged the river (a fairly logical step in missing persons cases in the murder capitol). They found no sign of her, but located three unidentified bodies. Of course not all bodies are unidentified, as in the case of the man who was about to give important testimony in a fraud lawsuit. He never made it, because, in the bored tones of the newscaster: "Unfortunately he was killed in an unrelated case."

Not all shootings result in murder, but most crimes in D.C. involve guns, and therefore shootings. This occurs in spite of the fact that the District's gun control laws are among the Nation's strictest. Occasionally a shooting stirs up public outcry for more laws, tighter regulations, and heavier punishments, and the government whips into a small frenzy of debate and study. So far, the shootings don't seem to be ending. Its possible that this is because we need even harsher laws, but I have a different theory.

Here it is: Any individual whose lifestyle that includes the distinct possibility of being shot at by, or needing to shoot at his coworkers (or sometimes his neighbors, or possibly random passers-by) probably isn't overly concerned with the legality of gun ownership. I have a hard time envisioning the drug dealer carefully filling out paperwork and patiently biding his time through a necessary waiting period. Gang members probably aren't in the habit of checking their weapons for illegal modifications before heading out to a turf war. Vigilantes and psycho sniper-type killers aren't likely to be respectfully studying the penal codes, or stocking up on legal weapons like frying pans. I could be wrong, but the whole idea of tougher gun-control stopping violent shootings is a bit like trying to prevent cases of Grand Theft Auto by beefing up the punishments for jaywalking... (tune in soon for the continuing essay...)