the promised photos

First some Widgie haircut photos. See hoe sweet he looks with his nice little haircut? All ready for the pile of Easter loot he'll be getting (photos coming soon).


Now, Stella and the shower:














Hooray for Stella! And now I stick my tongue out all all of you (other than Stella and Ma) because I'm one of the fortunate few who have seen Stella's fancy handcrafted wedding invites. Go on, envy my VIP status.

Hey, have a rockin' Easter!

holy smokes, its Easter!

Not right this moment. Well, maybe right this moment, if you're reading this on Easter. I'm not writing this on Easter, but pretty close.

Apparently I'm not getting a sappy Easter card from the Lt. Well then. At least I know where I stand. I totally agree with him, there aren't so many funny cards. I think, however, Easter isn't a funny holiday. Not like Christmas, with the fat guy running around with reindeer. All Easter has is a bunny, and he really doesn't have the popularity of Santa. Maybe if he brought something better than jellybeans. Of course I'm not a hue fan of the beans, unlike the Widge, who now shouts "jellyBEAN!" at regular intervals, in a commanding voice. But regardless of your feelings on jellybeans, Santa brings video games, and the bunny just brings beans.

But the real issue here is that Easter has remained a religious holiday, and sadly, most folks don't seem to think religion is funny, which is a shame. I personally think religion is very funny, unless its a religion that involves killing people or animals, thats not funny at all. And while the death of the Saviour isn't a giggly sort of thing, the Resurrection certainly is. I mean, Mary Magdalen mistook the risen Christ for the gardener, after all. That might actually be the strongest evidence of all for that nutty idea that they were married: she didn't even recognize Him. And then He proceeded to wander around chatting with folks, chowing down, taking long walks, and so forth, which is pretty good when you're dead. The whole walking though locked doors was a pretty good party trick too, so good Christ did it twice. If we fast-forward a bit to the Pentecost, we get to the part with the speaking in tongues. Even the phrase is funny. Speaking in tongues and snake handling are probably the funniest religious activities ever. (Fun fact: West Virginia is the only state in which religious snake-handling is legal). The point is, someone probably could make some funny Easter cards (Example: outside of card showing empty tomb. Text: "Know why Christ rose from the dead on Easter?" inside: "to see what the bunny had left him!". Well, maybe not.) Nobody wants to poke fun at religion, is the thing. And there are only so many bunny jokes you can make. So lets see what you can come up with. (how about this: outside of card showing a risen Christ giving a television interview, saying: "Yeah, around this time of year, I'm even more popular than the Beatles!" inside: "have a rockin' Easter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.") Can any of you write any funny Easter card text? I mean, before we go whining about the lousy industry-created cards, we ought to make some effort to understand the difficulties card-writers face. Leave your prototypes in the comments and we'll discuss.

Eh.

So. Donald Duck says that a lot, and its always a complete thought, in just one word. So! I don't think it conveys as much in type.

Stella had a shower, it was fun. There are photos somewhere, I'll try to get them out into the world.

The Widge, who is more fun every day, had his first barber shop haircut. He was an angel, and now he looks even cuter than before. There are photos somewhere. He's talking amazingly now. He informed me this morning that there would be "No diaper change." Even better, he's hitting that high mark: he plays well with others! Today, at least: some of the young cousins came to the shower too, and they all ran around the yard and there seemed to be no arguments! The Widge is good in general: he can be "confrontational, " but he neither hits nor bites: he argues. I support arguments (as some of you might know), as long as they're relatively respectful and follow a logical path. It doesn't have to be realistic, just logical. The Widge, however, has a lesser grasp on logic, and compensates with force of personality. There is no logical argument that stands up to the stern gaze of an almost-two-year-old, and he knows it. He wins a fair amount of arguments just because I like his style.

I'm never going outside after dark again

I saw a big fat possum, walking through the parking lot like he owned it. (Actually, for all I know he does own it). Possums have no redeeming qualities, as far as I'm concerned. They're big and scary looking and they hang out in the dark, looking all mean with their rat tails and pointy teeth. They're not as bad as snaked, that might be their redeeming quality. It could be their slogan, should they ever band together in an attempt to change public perception about them. "Possums: we're not as bad as snakes!" I think, technically, these are Opossums, possums (without the "o") are fuzzy little creatures from Australia whose fur apparently makes lovely yarn. Other interesting animals that produce yarn: muskox, buffalo, camel, yak, beaver, mink, fox, muskrat, and, oddly enough, dogs.

yeah, I have yarn on the brain, because I'm waiting for the spring issue of my favorite online knitting magazine. I read it for the articles. Seriously.

re the yarn, as far as I know, most of those animals have to be dead to produce yarn. Dogs, like sheep, alpacas, goats, and rabbits, can get shorn, and walk away fine, but a little chillier. Buffalo, beaver, possum etc. have to be dead, then the fibers are combed or sheared from the pelt. (in the case of the buffalo, this happens when the bison is butchered for steaks. The production of yarn from buffalo undercoat allows us to use more parts of the buffalo). The muskox, on the other hand, produces a yarn called quivet, which is horrifically expensive (I saw a skein in a yarn shop recently priced at $119, which isn't too bad for quivet), but is also the softest, warn without bulk yarn around. The reason for the high price? The muskox sheds its soft undercoat every year when the weather gets warm, and to rid itself of the hair it rubs against bushes, rocks, and whatever else grows on the tundra where it lives. Then cheerful ox-hair-gatherers go into the tundra and carefully pick the hairs off rocks, bushes, and wherever else it is. In this way the yarn is created without the oxen ever being touched by humans, and so if you're looking for an animal-friendly fiber (and you're not smart enough to go with cotton, bamboo, corn, soy, or any of the dozens of acrylic or other plant-based yarns), quivet is the way to go. Read more about quivet here.

Money, money, money!

Well, not that much money. I got my federal tax refund, so I actually spent a few minuted thinking nice thoughts about the government. But only a few. I've been putting off my state(s) and local forms, but I suppose I really should do them. This year I used TurboTax, which was extremely helpful, but I sort of missed the fun of the sharpened pencils and using my little calculator, and reading those eye-crossing columns of tax numbers in that little book the government mails you. The one that includes two copies of the 1040 form (so you can screw one up), and also is always printed such that all the ink sticks to your hands but not the paper it was intended to cling to. If I were the conspiracy sort, I'd develop some theory about that, but personally I don't think the government or anyone who works for it is involved in any secret conspiracies. I know plenty of federal employees, and they're mostly very nice people, but none of them seem organized enough for sneaky plots. Besides, they're generally very busy, what with the donut meetings, lunches, and all the time they spend making coffee, drinking coffee, and walking to and from the bathroom as a result of coffee. It certainly is a hectic life, manning the faceless bureaucracy, pushing cookies, as we used to say in the Building (the Pentagon, for all you non-beltway types). Notably, in spite of my years of experience as a tax-wasting bureaucrat, I can't actually spell bureaucracy. (I don't mean to impugn you other tax-wasters. You're probably wasting our taxes for a good cause. I mostly wasted taxes without producing anything of value to society. But I had a nice phone voice, nice enough that I occasionally was asked to record answering machine messages for other offices. I'm somewhat proud of that obscure achievement.)

Speaking of bureaucrats, the husband has just accepted a job offer and will soon be among their ranks. Fear not, he'll only be at the state level.