Happy Almost New Year!

Hey a photo! Thanks Lt.!! In this photo you see the remains of the cake I made for Christmas Eve. They were actually several little cakes, shaped like cars and trucks: sorry I didn't get a photo, but I'll be doing those again and so you'll see pics in the future.

Meanwhile, go here. The player identified as Nick Kaminski is actually the Fork. You can see him in the video, if you want. Note his ability (rare among athletes) to construct a coherent sentence. Lets all hope the Hokies win the Orange Bowl, because then all my relations will be happy.

Aside from those important messages, its now time for resolutions, if you're the resolution type. My advice: don't do it. Nobody ever sticks to resolutions: you're just setting yourself up. Instead of getting into some high-pressure resolution, just try to think a happy thought every day. Its more fun than a diet, and if you eventually forget, there isn't any guilt involved. I actually did keep a resolution for a while: five or six years ago I resolved to never again drink green alcoholic beverages. And I didn't, until the Lt. showed up with his green chili wine. So: was I successful because I kept that resolution for the year in which I resolved? Or did the eventual breaking of the resolution negate (or at least mitigate) my temporary success in resolution-keeping? See, resolutions never really go away: if you lose weight this year, next year you'll have to at least maintain your new weight, or suffer the guilt of fattening back up and breaking old resolutions. If you resolve to stop smoking or drinking, or cursing, you can never go back to doing those things, or else you'll have ruined your success. Most New Year's resolutions actually bind you for life: behave forever or suffer guilt. These are the sorts of choices that shouldn't be made while holding champagne and flinging streamers about. So I guess my real New Years message is: don't drink and resolve. Improving yourself and your life is a good idea, but wait until you've sobered up, and that post-holiday-sugar-buzz wears off. Lets face it, we all think more clearly without lampshades on our heads. (for the record, I've never attended a party that involved the wearing of lampshades in any fashion. I've also never attended a toga party. I was invited to one, but I had to go to work that night.)

If you can't help yourself, I've prepared a list of safe, low-pressure resolutions that you can grasp in your holiday frenzy:

1) I resolve to stop cursing one day each month, unless I'm having a really bad day that day.

2) I resolve to eat fewer snacks on Tuesdays in June, except ice cream and chocolate which contain healthful calcium.

3) I I resolve to smile at old ladies in the grocery store unless they're really cranky looking. I at least resolve to not run old ladies over with my shopping cart, unless they're blocking the whole aisle, at which point I'd be doing the other shoppers a service by running the lane-hog over.

4) I resolve to not put a lampshade on my head except at New Year's, unless some other really awesome party comes up, or if Skip is at the party, because she's never been present at a lampshade-wearing event.

5) I resolve to read Skip's blog regularly.

6) I resolve to comment on a blog I like once a month until I forget to comment.

See, nice, safe, fun resolutions.

Happy New Year to all!

Hey, Penn State Won!

Well I was going to post some photos the other day but apparently I have none: CVS apparently failed to put any photos on my photo disk. I sure wish I had that digital camera, and honestly I can't imagine where its gone, I even emptied boxes recently and saw not a trace of the missing camera.

Anyway, Penn State won, and I'm just as surprised as anyone else. If we're very lucky blog fans, we might get some actual photos of the festivities, but judging from recent posts (or lack thereof) I doubt it. So: go other universities!

Meanwhile I think we may be getting some new molars. This whole tooth thing is ridiculous, its like the whole Rocky series: just when you think you're safe, a whole new one shows up. Apparently by the time he gets the last of them, it'll be just about time for them to fall out. Its little things like this that make me think the human body isn't necessarily such a marvel of engineering after all.

Bleh

Yes, here it is, the post-holiday slump. After all the frenzied cooking, wrapping, calling, visiting, and the extreme excitement of gifts and cookies, suddenly its over and we have presents that aren't quite brand new, crumpled paper that we so carefully affixed to special items, plates of crumbs, and no desire to move, eat, or shop ever again. We already called all the relatives, the Christmas shows have abruptly stopped running on the television, so now what?

Once again we have here a little lull when nobody expects us to do anything (except the Widge, who does rightfully expect meals, diaper changes, books read, and general parental activities). Don't bother getting out of those jammies, just lay around snacking. Unless, of course, you live at the North Pole, because you guys owe me money. I bought all the gifts, wrapped them, and even labeled about half as being from Santa. I don't mind much, I like you jolly elves as much as the next parent, but if you're going to get half the credit (plus all the cool holiday specials, parades, and celebrity appearances) you could chip in a bit. Either that or give us parents a slice of the fame. I'd like to be beloved by children everywhere, especially if, as it seems, there isn't much actual work involved. I'd love to be greeted by applause when I show up at IHOP.

Folks, when your parents told you that Santa doesn't exist, they were just cranky because the fat man isn't really much help in the gift process. I'm pretty sure he is real, and hanging out in his fancy castle at the top of the world, laughing at us all, with out puny bank accounts, and our gifts, with his picture on the wrapping paper and his name under "from", hidden in our tiny closets for weeks. I don't think he's a bad guy, but I do think that he, like God, has the sort of humor that we don't usually appreciate, because it tends to be at our expense.

So crack open an ice cold Bud light, oh jelly-bellied icon of holiday cheer, because you not only make the gift process look easy, you manage to give presents all over the world without budging from your comfy fireside chair.

What's the opposite of Exodus?

Introdus? Thats what's going on now. The hordes are descending upon our peaceful borough just in time for winter festivities. Well, there are really only two of them, but they're large, and seem like a horde.

Nick arrived yesterday, and has once again become the Widge's personal hero. For the next two weeks he (the Widge) will roam around saying: "Neek. Neek neek neek." That is, when he's not saing "Boom!" every time someone mentions turkey. That's because we were watching Mythbusters, and you'll all be happy to know the Widge really seemed interested, but of course they blew up a turkey, so thats certainly going to hold the attention of a small boy.

The last of the gifts arrived and was wrapped yesterday, so we've entered that little gully you fall into just before charging up the hill of Christmastide. We sent the cards, made the pirogi and the cookies, decorated the tree, bought the gifts...now what? Here at the Skiphaus, we get to celebrate the anniversary of our graduation, which I did by watching my favorite movie from my college days: Fight Club. Its been at least 5 years since I saw it, but it's still good. Shockingly, I was only 18 when I first saw that in theaters. Gee whiz, I'm old!

Anyway, I say, enjoy this little bit before Christmas, the last few days before that pile of wrapping paper and toy bits appears in the living room, before cookie crumbs and sad shreds of ham are all that remains of the glorious feast. Although I remember many wonderful Christmases, I don't recall the food (unless it was terrible: I remember a peanut soup that I hated), and I don't necessarily remember the gifts, although one year I got a doll I had wished for. What I remember, year after year, is the warm, happy feeling of lounging around, with that glorious, glowing tree, and the anticipation of the gifts, the cookies, the food. So folks, don't sweat it, let a few things slide, and just put your feet up, enjoy your decorations, read the sweet Christmas messages your friends and relatives are sending, and be happy that its Christmastide.

Claus encounters of the Santa type

Our visit with Santa tally is up to 3: a whole lot of Kringle time for a kid who doesn't actually understand the Claus/gift corollary. But he seems to be calmer about the old elf now, and actually cheers when he appears on television, which I think is a good thing.

About bears: the National Zoo does indeed have spectacle bears as well as sloth bears, or rather they have enclosures for these bears, because I can't say I've ever seen either. In the future I expect to visit other, bear-displaying zoos, although I don't plan to go to Chicago. Instead I'd like to visit the allegedly excellent Philly zoo, because I like Philadelphia in general. I think it results from the combination of good food, ample Revolutionary history sites, and the fact that I didn't grow up nearby. I have only spent one day in Philly, that I remember, because I know I was there in my younger days, so Philly is on the grand list of cities in which I've spent one day, along with New York, Boston and Atlanta. Its a small list. I don't hang out in cities much, and apparently only east-coast cities are worthy of my time. None of this, of course, has anything to do with bears.

Did I tell you I saw a gila monster at the zoo? It was laying draped over a rock, so we could only see part of it, but it doesn't really look pleasant. I'm thinking I don't want them meeting me at airports, or anywhere else. They looked much friendlier in the book, which just goes to show how literature can lead you astray. Folks, books aren't really healthy for you, and I'd like, at this holiday time, to offer an opportunity: send your books to me. I'm well-trained in dealing with this threat, and I'd be happy to save you from danger.

A danger I will not save you from: the giant, man-eating catfish the History Channel is doing a show on right now.

On the good ship Christmastide

Although it wasn't in my initial post plan, your excellent comments are highly amusing and worthy of note. First: vampires. In my last post I stopped short of commenting on certain holiday figures and their bizarre habits: only showing up at night when we are vulnerably asleep, living in a remote location, leaving gifts while apparently asking nothing in return, and that weird outfit. Thank you, Stan, for breaching the topic, because I now feel better in saying: I wonder if Santa might be a vampire? If you think that's odd, I'd like to note that the History Channel show did have a guest who speculated on Jesus being a vampire, and I wish to say that here in Skiptopia, we are wholeheartedly against that notion.

Additionally, I am intrigued by the jolly container ship captain. I can just see him, with his corncob pipe and Danish fisherman's hat, steaming along with his shipload of goodies. What a wonderful idea! I'll have to consider this further.

As to pirogi economics, this is a highly speculative field, in that no model for the average consumer exists. Currently pirogi are packaged in two-dozen batches, and I can tell you that at the Skiphaus (population 3), two dozen makes a suitable main dish, (served perhaps with eggs, or kielbasa), and one dozen will go for a side dish (served with anything, but ideally eggs and kielbasa). This latest crop was divided thusly: 8 dozen to the Skiphaus, 2 dozen to Stella and the Stella People, and the remainder reside at the Mothership, where pirogi economics get very confusing. Avereage dinner attendance is 4, and 2 dozen makes a nice side dish. But in the holiday-tide the colonials all congregate, and typical pirogi consumption tends to soar: between 4 and 6 dozen as a side dish. The bottom line here is that this pirogi crop is expected to last through the New Year, but not much longer, except at the Skiphaus where I usually lose a dozen in the dark recesses of my freezer, and find them again during the Eastertide, which, with its anniversary/birthday festivities, is a bigger holiday here than at the Mothership. Essentially pirogi making is a huge outlay of work, with every aspect being made from scratch, and generally takes the better part of a day, depending on number of workers. Although pirogi can be obtained from the average grocery store freezer section, they are not nearly as good as the home-made kind, mostly because at home we control the exact mix of the filling, as well as the thickness of dough, thus crafting pirogi specially engineered for our own palettes. The outcome, regardless of the short eating season, is entirely worth the effort, and I say that as someone who has been present at every pirogi making day for the past 27 years, and has helped in the last 17 or so. (the folks who have worked at pirogi making for the last 35 years may have other interpretations).

But what I really wanted to post was that I just finished a very good book: Stiff, by Mary Roach. Go read it today, it was very interesting and very funny, and I think many of you might want to consider composting as an alternative to the traditional burial. I personally believe that after death the physical remains aren't much different from an old banana peel, in that they both were once useful coverings that have outlived (haha) their function, and so I wouldn't mind being composted, or rotting in the trunk of a submerged car at the body ranch. Some of you readers have a very tough decision: have your remains composted, or plasticised for display.

In other news, we visited Zoo Lights last night and it was great, the Widge had fun, we drank hot chocolate and I even went into the reptile house, which many of you won't believe. They have a lovely iguana, a gila monster, and some wonderful tortoises, and many display cases for snakes, into which I did not look. The Widge labeled every unidentifiable animal as "bear": "Look, its a rock hyrax. Do you see it?" "Bear!" "Oh, look, a naked mole rat!" "Bear!!!" and so forth. We did not see any actual bears, and so I ask: have any of you ever seen an actual bear (not panda) at the National Zoo? Anyway, the lights were great, we especially loved the leaping cheetah, and the cow that really mooed.

We also finished shopping for Christmas, and if only I could finish the last few hand-mades, we'd be all done, gift-wise.

Pirogi Day!

and I'm pleased to announce that it was a recording-breaking day: we made 42 dozen. Many thanks to Stella for her help.

So I know I haven't been updating a lot lately, but on the other hand I post way more often than some blogs. Part of my thin posting is due to the fact that I've been chugging along finishing those last darned gifts, but also I've spent some computer time surfing around on Etsy, checking out all the stuff people made. Its amazing.

Anyway, not much new: the Widge has decided that Santa is cool, although apparently not as cool as Mickey Mouse. I suppose until Santa gets a theme park or two, he'll always come in second. He is a little creepy, after all, with all his sneaking around, and the fact that he only works one night a year. What really makes me wonder are the elves. Is this whole Santa thing a good gig for them, or is there some cultish, sweat-shop vibe there? With all the kids who want electronics, my next question is: do the elves make those? Do they just make the Wiis and all around Christmas, or has Nintendo opened a North-Pole plant that isn't publicized. If the Elves don't make the high tech stuff, don't they have a lot of free time? What else do they do? In the movies, the North Pole is basically just a toy factory and dorm complex. But there must be some other amenities: a good community theater maybe, or a gym. What about the reindeer: there must be more than just 8. Where do they all live? Do they have their own nutritionist and vet and all, like in the zoo? Is it better to be one of Santa's deer than just an ordinary reindeer running free in Lapland? But more relevant: why is the History channel playing their vampire programs, but not their Christmas ones?